Family Before Ministry?
Before I was married or had children I remember people telling me when I would invite them to be involved in ministry of some kind, “No thank you, my family is my ministry now.” I didn’t understand them then. Now I do. (I think partly what they were saying was, “Listen hyper college student, I don’t have energy for anything else right now” And that I now understand completely.)
Now being married and having kids, I’m on another side of this. Many well-meaning people have told me, “Well your family is your ministry now” or “Your first priority is family.” And we all know the proper spiritual hierarchy: First God, then family, then ministry, then everything else.
Especially growing up as a woman in conservative Christendom and very active in ministry, people will tell you you’ll slow down when you are married, you’ll for sure slow down when you have a baby, you’ll for sure, for sure slow down when you have two kids!
However, I feel the need to challenge that hierarchy in some sense. The question I’ve been wrestling with is this: slow down in what exactly? Certainly, my responsibilities will look different, my priorities will look different, and my time will look different now that I have a family. But should I really be slowing down in all forms of ministry?
I used to be uncomfortable with Jesus words in Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” It seemed a bit extreme. And certainly contrary to Christianity’s culture of placing family on the highest spiritual pedestal. But as I’ve studied those words more, I’ve started to grasp Jesus’ context a little bit better.
Jesus wasn’t teaching to us that we should feel hateful toward our family. He was saying that our love for God should be so strong, our dedication to follow Him so steadfast, that even our love for our own family pales in comparison to that.
And how do we show our love for God? John 14:15 says “If you love me, obey my commands.” And what are the greatest commandments? Jesus says to ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39)
I’ve realized that I can’t love my Muslim “neighbors” by putting them on the back burner while our family is our ministry and sole priority for the next however many years.
I hope you don’t hear the opposite extreme from me, I’m not advocating we neglect our own family in lieu of ministry to our Muslim neighbors or others. We’ve all seen people who have chased ministry and left their family behind in the process and how that turns out. Sadly I know plenty of atheist and agnostic preachers and missionary kids. But I think there is a way to do both.
I want my children to see me as a wife and a mother (in addition to my other responsibilities) engaging in ministry, specifically to reach the lost. I want them to see the excitement and the honor that we have been invited into this life long journey of the Great Commission and that it’s not something that needs to be put on hold for certain seasons of our lives.
In fact, your family could be just the ticket into building a friendship with a Muslim woman in your community. I remember when my husband was in Iraq, a pastor told him at the end of the trip, “Next time please bring your wife! Women are the only way into a Muslim home.” Many Muslims also place a very high value on family, and specifically women in most Muslim cultures are expected to prioritize family and children.
Whatever our season of life, we simply can’t use our family, though it is such a high calling, as an excuse to not engage at all in the lost world around us. Our Muslim friends may not be able to wait until we have our families raised for us to take the time to share with them the hope of Jesus. They need to hear it now.