Friendship to Hurting Hearts: Compassion Fatigue
Imagine road tripping across America. Such freedom! But what if you ran out of gas a few miles south of nowhere, and dusk was descending?
Oh, and there are no gas stations around.
If this scenario seems scary, it’s nowhere near the magnitude of exhausting your internal fuel while attending to your neighbor’s pain—the one who has been confiding in you. Hearing awful accounts about her abusive husband, for instance, may elicit nightmares, inhibit sleep, or haunt you in other ways, especially if unresolved trauma forms a part of your history. Her stories may prejudice you against certain characteristics, cultures, or worse—puncture your faith in the goodness of God.
To guard against this predicament, stock up on two necessities:
1. Spiritual Fuel
Put. God. First.
Always.
Prioritizing the Bible and prayer will shield you against spiritual shipwreck. If your love affair with Jesus remains vibrant, no gruesome stories can undercut your faith. Besides, walking closely with God means you’ll get to ask, and enjoy, His guidance (John 15:7)—whether you need wisdom on how to pray for this neighbor, specific verses to share, or the right time to do so (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Another bonus? You’ll develop the skills to detect His voice (John 10:27). This is helpful to discern His will on how long you’re to help her in this capacity.
2. Emotional Fuel
We need wisdom to win souls (Proverbs 11:30). Translation: it’s a win if this neighbor agrees to seek professional help, because not everyone is called or equipped to assist in thorny relational issues. Therefore, wisdom calls for setting steps toward transferring her care to a trained therapist. Listening to your friend, praying for (or with) her, and being there for her act as building bricks toward the bridge which will acquire her further help.
Consider these strategic steps to transition her care:
Does she shun professional help? Inquire why. Demystify terms (“what is therapy?”), debunk myths, and dispel fears (“You won’t see a counselor forever.”)
Share your positive experience with counseling. If you have nada to speak of, consider seeing a therapist yourself. Psychotherapy profits everyone. A passion for therapy comes naturally once you’ve benefited from it yourself, to where your friend can’t help but notice your genuine zest. Your experience can extinguish naysayers’ doubt.
Introduce her to the Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6). Continue praying for her. Trust the Lord for the next step in her healing journey.
Jesus instructed us to love our neighbor like ourselves (Mark 12:31). If you don’t love yourself, therefore, your neighbor won’t fare any better. But what does loving yourself mean? Spiritually, it means placing Jesus first, because as you do, He’ll take care of everything else (Matthew 6:33). In the context of mental health, it means always attending to what your heart needs as you serve the emotionally needy (Proverbs 4:23).
Befriending suffering souls is noble. However, let’s not get stranded in the process. Refuel your tanks, spiritually and emotionally, on a consistent basis.